Inner peace

 In the last few days, been experiencing a strange ( positively strange!) sense of inner peace-- the sort Master Shifu was trying to teach Po, the Kung Fu Panda. Ok maybe not quite :)...but close. Its early days yet but touchwood, may it last a while 

And its not because things are going great. Objectively, by any measure,  to be brutally honest,  they probably are not. Yet there's some rare sense of assured calm. 

It isn't that there aren't any self doubts -- but they are self doubts that are resulting in self realization of one's own strengths and weaknesses. It isn't that there are no regrets,  but there's a sense of acceptance of one's own limitations and a sense of confidence in one's own values , that help "manage regrets".  It isn't that I am making best use of time,  that scarce commodity on earth,  but i am making better use of it.  It isn't that I feel I have unlimited time,  but I feel that there's enough to discover myself.  It isn't that I have clear cut answers to fundamental questions in aspects  professional and personal ,about my own desires,  ambitions  wishes -- but have the feeling tomorrow's answer is better than today's and today's better than yesterday and ,for now,  that feeling is enough.  It isn't that I don't worry about the future but I have that mix of optimism about blue sky scenarios and that ok "so what,  we'll deal with it" feeling with respect to the pessimistic versions.  It isn't that I am foolishly disconnectedly optimistic,  yet enough to beleive in the magic of the world and that feeling that destiny has good things in store for me. 

I have also rediscovered a belief in God/ higher being that for a decade or more I sort of turned sceptical of. It isn't that I have turned really religious,  and it isn't that I beleive all my ( very selfish!) prayers and wishes will be fulfilled,  but I think I can count on the higher force from time to time, to bestow some good luck.  

It isn't that I don't feel unlucky on more than one count,  but I also feel gratitude for all the relative fortune that I have had. The wheel of luck on average hasn't been that favorable in the past decade or thereabout (and rationally the longer that's the case,  there's less likelihood that will change--- for life is path dependent) but there's this quiet unexplainable optimism that the cyclicality of good luck will come into play relatively soon enough. 

It isn't that this blog has been particularly well written,  but its probably come out better than most of the previous ones :) And it's come right from the heart and the brain,  without much lost in translation in between.

It isn't that there are too many people who are going to be reading this.  Or maybe even any.  And it's still ok to have spent some 40 odd minutes to put this into writing

And there have not been any/too many external stimuli which has helped in getting to this peaceful accepting feeling ( however transient). It's  mostly come out of the inner self

May this "inner peace" continue for a little more!