Just a few thoughts

The background to this post first- As a fan of Roger Federer, kind of almost felt obligated to pen a detailed personalized to tribute to one of the greatest sportsmen of our time the day he announced his retirement. Was long planning to write this post but never really got around to completing it. Started this post in September when Federer announced his retirement but only got to write bits and pieces of it. Thought I must complete this half-left post by the end of 2022 for sure, for it to stay relevant--- a hard deadline that I have set for myself :) So here we go on the 31st of December :) ........ I first started watching Roger Federer around 2005 odd. 17 years since! Time does fly.  And in a way, over the years,  its been a different Federer that I have watched, admired,  vicariously cheered,  vicariously celebrated,  vicariously felt heartbreaks with. Sport after all gives us that opportunity to cheerlead,  to take a side- passionately-- stand th...

 As with a lot of other posts on this blog, this will start in a meandering way before coming to some more profound observations... The traffic in Mumbai in the evenings tends to be messy. The sort of stuff that could get you irritated if you end up spending an hour or beyond in it.  It doesnt make much of a difference in the grand scheme of thingsbut there's always this tendency from my side to try to get to save a few minutes by choosing one route, usually a preferred one, over the other. And then there are the Ola cabbies who usually use Google Maps most of the time, which should ideally optimize for the time but quite often doesnt (or so I think atleast!). So there are these times when the cabbie takes a different route from my preferred one and a few times it ends up in even more traffic. It probably might make a few mins difference at max but it ends up with me in a really pissed mood for some reason.  I am however less pissed, when I myself choose a particular rout...

 I have realized over the years that I am a sucker for validation. Either tangible or intangible. Either by people or by being proven right.  By the world as it maybe. I need that assurance,  that validation that I am doing right,  that something is going right.  The thing that I hate is the opposite.  The literal opposite of validation is invalidation but that's not what i am referring to.  It is not about being proven wrong or being criticized either.  Which is still ok. What truly sucks  is NOT being validated. That feeling of not being sure if you are right even though you very well maybe.  That feeling of self doubt which gets added upon.   It probably wasn't always this way.  But now-a- days,  it is--- I need that positive feedback loop.  That little bit of dopamine from that feedback loop.  Occasionally I may be able to self delude myself into getting into that positive feedback loop  temporarily...

 In the last few days, been experiencing a strange ( positively strange!) sense of inner peace-- the sort Master Shifu was trying to teach Po, the Kung Fu Panda. Ok maybe not quite :)...but close. Its early days yet but touchwood, may it last a while  And its not because things are going great. Objectively, by any measure,  to be brutally honest,  they probably are not. Yet there's some rare sense of assured calm.  It isn't that there aren't any self doubts -- but they are self doubts that are resulting in self realization of one's own strengths and weaknesses. It isn't that there are no regrets,  but there's a sense of acceptance of one's own limitations and a sense of confidence in one's own values , that help "manage regrets".  It isn't that I am making best use of time,  that scarce commodity on earth,  but i am making better use of it.  It isn't that I feel I have unlimited time,  but I feel that there's enough to discover myse...