On validation and its opposite

 I have realized over the years that I am a sucker for validation. Either tangible or intangible. Either by people or by being proven right.  By the world as it maybe. I need that assurance,  that validation that I am doing right,  that something is going right. 

The thing that I hate is the opposite.  The literal opposite of validation is invalidation but that's not what i am referring to.  It is not about being proven wrong or being criticized either.  Which is still ok. What truly sucks  is NOT being validated. That feeling of not being sure if you are right even though you very well maybe.  That feeling of self doubt which gets added upon.  

It probably wasn't always this way.  But now-a- days,  it is--- I need that positive feedback loop.  That little bit of dopamine from that feedback loop. 

Occasionally I may be able to self delude myself into getting into that positive feedback loop  temporarily by substituting validation with optimism but well-- at the end of the day its temporary 

I could also try substituting validation with contentment and a sense of acceptance-- by telling oneself that its OK even if its not ok! But that doesn't quite give the same dopamine kick that being validated-- in some way--in any way ---does.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The past, the present and the Future

How do you perceive the ( your) future? How do you operate ( for lack of a better word) in the present? What has been your experience in the past? These are three fundamental questions you can ask yourself and indeed others in almost any field they operate in or in any field of life really. Related are the concepts of assuredness, confidence,  desire/ambition and optimism/ pessimism. How you perceive the future is often a function of your present,  along with a natural inclination towards the whole spectrum of optimism and pessimism. And to some extent the learnings from your experiences in the past. How do you operate in the present is a function of both how you visualize your future ( which gives rise to the spectrum of ambition and desire) and the experiences of the past ( How do you assess yourself,  How self asssured are you,  How confident are you etc)  To put it another way,  assuredness and confidence is about an assessment of what you are,  de...
Read more

Incorrigible optimism

 I must have mentioned on this blog somewhere and probably more than once that the most important thing is..."to have something to look forward to". And I think that's so true. But if one can't find that thing,  worry not.  There's a second best thing.  What if you can find things that you do NOT look forward to,  or are things that you don't really enjoy but are things that have to be done or stuff that one has to just make it through.  What you can look forward to,  is for those type of things to get over.  Be and done with.  Can be anything from the very mundane to the important. Pretty sure most of us have those things at various points. And for them to get over is something to look forward to. In a weird sort of way,  both having something to look forward to, and having something you DO NOT look forward to have the same sense of anticipation. In effect , its the same thing that, in a way,  you are indeed having something to loo...
Read more

Inner peace

 In the last few days, been experiencing a strange ( positively strange!) sense of inner peace-- the sort Master Shifu was trying to teach Po, the Kung Fu Panda. Ok maybe not quite :)...but close. Its early days yet but touchwood, may it last a while  And its not because things are going great. Objectively, by any measure,  to be brutally honest,  they probably are not. Yet there's some rare sense of assured calm.  It isn't that there aren't any self doubts -- but they are self doubts that are resulting in self realization of one's own strengths and weaknesses. It isn't that there are no regrets,  but there's a sense of acceptance of one's own limitations and a sense of confidence in one's own values , that help "manage regrets".  It isn't that I am making best use of time,  that scarce commodity on earth,  but i am making better use of it.  It isn't that I feel I have unlimited time,  but I feel that there's enough to discover myse...
Read more