What the 40 year old Mr A would tell the 20 year old Mr A.

Marked as time sensitive- the heading that is :) For in a few hours....

And well , because after all, " what the 41 year old Mr A" doesnt quite have the rizz of the 40 and 20.

So what would the 40 year old me tell the 20 year old me, if the latter could have somehow miraculously time travelled for a bit to get some advise. With all the wisdom and the experiences since.  And with all the constraints of well Mr A. being Mr.A.  Some which the 40 year old Mr. A might be following,  and a lot he might not have.

Well here's how the conversation might go:

1. Its been a very smooth 20 years of your life so far.  Consider yourself blessed. And have gratitude for it.  Knowing you,  you surely will. 

The next 20 may not be that smooth. There will be more ups and downs. Nothing earth shattering, even though many things might feel that way during the moment itself,  just as it might even now for things far more meaningless.  Very little ever is earth shattering. Life goes on, most of the time. 

2. You have had pretty good success these 20 years.  Ofcourse there's always things you could have done better but its been a good 20. The next 20? Who knows? It depends on the choices you make but also on a host of other things,  just as it has in the past 20. Things like luck even,  which, by the way,  you have actually had it good so far. 

3. I said just as in the past 20, but chuck that, YOU will have to make many more choices in the next 20.  The emphasis on YOU is deliberate. In the past 20, you were technically an adult for 2. And overall you have lived a fairly ptotected life.  That might be both good and bad but you should consider leading a less protected life in any case.  Because the entire next 20, you will be an adult and well adulting is indeed tough. The sooner you get used to it the better. 

Nobody is coming to save you.  You have to make your own decisions, or atleast you should.  And even if you don't,  you have to own up to decisions that impact you. 

4. And you will make decisions and choices,  good and bad,  silly and profound. Some will work out and some won't.  You have to take ownership of them yes, but you also have to learn not to be too hard on yourself.  Nothing's ever a disaster. Very few of the choices you make will even have any long term implications. And even the ones that do, well like i said , nothing is ever really a disaster. Most things can be recovered from.  Like i said before,  life goes on.  For good and bad. 

5. What's maybe more important than the choices you make is how you make them.  Are you making an informed choice? What's your value system in making those choices?

On the last count , knowing you, I am pretty sure you will make yourself proud. Just yourself,  for there is no guarantee that those things will be noticed by others around. And that is fine.  You aren't going to face earth shattering moral dilemmas, but even doing the simple small things in every day life in a way that fits your values is something you should be proud of.

6. The other part is more important.  Are you making an informed choice? How do you make an informed choice? By being aware of the world around you. I do notice you are way too self absorbed. You can learn from the world around you only if you notice the world around you.  You can learn from the world around you only if you expose yourself to the world around you. 

The world around you, gives you your context.  You can have an indiviualistic view point but that's different from being self absorbed. See the world around you.  Hear the world around you.  See things,  both good and bad.  Take the good and what suits you.  But notice.  Absorb. Learn.

7.  And there's another reason you should go and explore the world around you,  well metaphorically speaking but maybe even literally. Because, well , most people like interesting people.  People with a wide enough range of experiences. Maybe not everything suits you but as you grow older, you need stories to tell.  Its not even that others might be genuinely interested in your story but you are still better off telling them. 

After all, one of the rules of adulthood is that only you, are going to make yourself relevant. And special.  To yourself and to others. 

It is true that some people are naturally more introverted like both you are and I am. And others more extroverted. But part of it is just about the varied experiences and the confidence.

8. And confidence.  Yes thats going to be more and more important in the next 20. You are a reasonably confident person now but its a confidence that comes from, well, sorry for being a bit condescending, a bit of ignorance.  Can you have the same level of confidence when you know both yourself and the world somewhat better? Sounds easy right. Except it isn't necessarily.

And yes , the success you have had till now also helps you be more confident. It won't be the same always. And yet, it also works in reverse sometimes.  Confidence-> success-> more confidence-> more success

9. That last one is an example of what is called virtous cycles. Make the best use of them.  Make the best use of momentum.  Make the best use of your luck.  And for that,  you will,  as you will realize years later,  have to take that sufficient bit of risk. 

10. I did mention , that what matters, is how you take the decisions and not neccesarily the outcomes.  Well maybe that isn't the complete truth.  Outcomes matter. Success does matter.  Even if they aren't entirely in your control.  People like successful people. You get to be around successful people by being successful and that itself helps in more success.  As it has, even in these 20 years, by the way,  even if you haven't realized.  You are at present among ptobably some of the smartest people you ever will be with. Upto you to make use of it. 

11. It may seem to be a a bit of a cynical view right now but over the course of time and especially as you do more adulting, you will realize that ultimately your utility to other people depends upon,well....what you can offer them. Put that way,  it even seems obvious doesnt it? Sometimes even you will subconsciously end up doing this,  so don't feel hard done by if you are at the receiving end.

12. Build a network of people you can fall bank on,  friends you can trust,  people you can reach out to, for advise. I know,  it isn't easy for you , given your personality. But it helps.  Stay in touch with your friends.  It will get difficult as you age, as your paths and places quite literally and metaphorically diverge. But as you will realize,  its even more difficult to make new close friends, especially for an introvert like you. 

This is not to say that all of them will help you all the time.  As you do more adulting, you will realize that's actually totally fine. Its probably worse to limit yourself fearing that,  than it is to spread your net wide. , yet knowing that its only few that will last.

13. Remember, there are things you can do at 20 that you won't be able to do at 30. And things you can do at 30 that you won't at 40. Whether you want to do them, is upto your choices and even capabilities at any point.  But the brutal fact is, time dimnishes both your choices and capabilities. Be cognizant of time. 

I mean, at 40,** you can write a blog on an imaginary conversation you have with the 20 year you , but at 20, that's probably not the best use of your time.  Spend atleast some of your time, doing things you won't be able to do or experience again.

** Chuck that,  even at 40, it isn't the best use of your time.  Especially when it's 40 yrs and 364 days.