Revisiting a couple of old posts on this blog

Was reading through a couple of own posts on this blog, one about a year and a half ago,  and the other just a little over 2 years ) 

 This was one written a little more than 2 years ago and i am surprised how well it was written! ( yeah i am narcisistic enough to praise my own self!)

Revisiting some of what was written vs the now:

"have that mix of optimism about blue sky scenarios and that ok "so what,  we'll deal with it" feeling with respect to the pessimistic versions"

Hmm..not sure that i feel the same now, atleast on the first part

"yet enough to beleive in the magic of the world and that feeling that destiny has good things in store for me."

Maybe. maybe not.  likely not. Again i say this with no sense of unhappiness or anything,  just a matter of facted-ness

 "I think I can count on the higher force from time to time, to bestow some good luck"

As long as its not bad luck,  i am fine.  and i say that unironically and actually with some gratefulness

"The wheel of luck on average hasn't been that favorable in the past decade or thereabout (and rationally the longer that's the case,  there's less likelihood that will change--- for life is path dependent) but there's this quiet unexplainable optimism that the cyclicality of good luck will come into play relatively soon enough"

The rationally the longer part,  well i think I was right on that,  the cyclicality part well probably not

........................

The second post was this one. It isn't as well written as the one above in my own judgement but the heading was nice and capturing my feeling quite appropriately at that particular point in time (?)

I guess I felt that 2023 ( at the point i had written it) was the year of no regrets, what do i feel about 2024? 

Tough one,  but maybe it's the year of DGAF- don't give an F...

Ok that isn't completely true,  i would be a zombie if i didn't give an F about anything. And i am too mentally conditioned in the opposite direction to ever follow this completely

But relatively, i just give an F about far lesser things than i used to ,and maybe for far lesser a time even about those fewer things

Is that good or bad? i don't know. on one hand sure it gives you a sense of compartmentalization about anything and everything in life. you just keep going. 

On the other hand,  giving an F about things is what makes more things enjoyable.  The dualities of fear and hope,  of having something material to gain,  while having something material to lose,  the possibility of being validated while knowing you also have the possibility of making an ass of yourself, (sometimes maybe even just in your own mind).. The dualities of the possibility of happiness,  and the possibilities of hurt

So giving an F about far lesser things may not be that good a thing either. i know people say when you have nothing to lose,  it liberates you.  but well, you always have something to lose! and its the dualities which makes things interesting i guess... "darr ke aage jeet hai", as the tagline of a soft drink ad went a couple of decades back, you give an F about things , you fear things and then you conquer those fears and win i guess..

Sure,  giving an F about things could be limiting too in some sense,  when fear is the overriding emotion, not hope. But the good mix is having something to look forward to , having something to win while also fearing something to lose ( just  about anything to lose, something material, something tangible, something intangible, maybe even just ego at times) and then conquering those fears

You can get lucky and win lottery tickets half arsedly, mathematically that's a low probability high payoff if you succeed, low impact if you fail  event, though the probability of the latter is higher.  but half arsed and lucky is not skin the game, is it?. Playing a game with a payoff that's materially high if you win,  reasonable probability of winning while also having a payoff that's materially adverse if you lose,  well that's skin in the game.

Maybe you misestimate those probabilities and that's what gives you optimism and hope. And delusion

 But hope is also possible only with the duality of fear. 

Ok, that's been a bit of digression and a lot of meandering. not  that happy with the way this blogpost has come about. nowhere close to the other two...but well... in keeping with the year of the DGAF, what the hell, will post this anyways. 








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